EVE AND THE BLAME

It’s always convenient to have a scapegoat within reach.

Guilt, ever since Eve offered Adam the apple, always finds its way to women. And if the woman is a mother, even better. Guilt fits her like Cinderella’s slipper. It doesn’t matter what the crime, the dysfunction, or the deficiency is: if there’s a sexist son, a submissive daughter, a bully, a psychopath, or an unequal society, someone will point to the womb it all came from. Because if patriarchy excels at anything—and it excels at a lot—it’s turning victims into suspects. And no figure is easier to blame than the mother.

The mother who buys miniskirts that get her daughter raped for wearing something “so provocative,” which apparently leaves certain men—raised like animals by their own mothers, of course—utterly helpless in the face of temptation. Men who simply had to rape the woman who didn’t know how to dress herself in a less "rapeable" way.

There’s an old trap that gets triggered every time we try to understand the behavior of a violent, misogynistic, or sexist man: the blame doesn’t go to his freedom, or to his adult responsibility. It goes straight to his upbringing. And from there, thanks to a well-oiled cultural shortcut, it lands on his mother. Not on the father (absent or not), not on society, not on the power structures that raised him to believe he owns the world. No—straight to the mother’s jugular. Because apparently, giving birth makes you the screenwriter, director, and moral guarantor of your children’s entire life.

But what if that mother was also the product of a patriarchal environment? What if she too was raised to obey, to stay quiet, to please, and to educate her children according to patriarchal norms? What if the mother functioned—like many women and men—as a well-oiled cog in a machine she didn’t build? What kind of justice—social or legal—is it that blames the oppressed for failing to revolt while raising kids, washing dishes, suffering abuse, or simply trying to survive?

No one dares to blame the system, the Minister of the Interior, the economic model, the Church, UNESCO, the media, the UN, the pop culture heroes, or the sleazy singers spitting vulgar lyrics with their mouths full of jam. No. They point the finger at the mother and expect her to have been a lone revolutionary in her 60-square-meter apartment, raising sons and daughters completely outside the violent structures of patriarchy—as if she hadn’t been as domesticated as the children she raised.

Yes, millions of mothers reproduce sexism. Absolutely. Just like fathers, schools, Netflix, priests, politicians, and sweet old grandmothers. Patriarchy doesn’t care about gender when it comes to spreading its code. It uses whoever is available. And mothers are often its most loyal agents—because they are the most disciplined, the most controlled, the most domesticated. Obedience was their mother tongue.

And yet, when a woman manages to break free from that script, when she dares to raise her children differently, to question the rules, to offer an alternative view of the world—rarely is she recognized. Rarely is she applauded. Because motherhood demands everything and rewards almost nothing.

In case you hadn’t noticed, blaming mothers for raising sexist sons is just another form of sexism. It’s patriarchy repackaged as progressive criticism. It’s still blaming women for the world’s failures—even when those failures crush them, especially them. Mothers. The same ones who spend years enduring beatings and other forms of abuse because their abuser threatens to take their children away if they speak up or try to escape.

And those men are right to threaten—because many women do lose their children when they report abuse. That’s one of the system’s most perverse details. Women, in custody battles or while seeking protection, fall into the same trap. And to make things worse, when they arrive in court and see that the judge is a woman, they sometimes breathe a little easier. They hope someone will finally understand the danger they’re in, that someone will listen with compassion to their story of violence. But instead, the opposite often happens: the female judge is even harsher, even more patriarchal, even more blind to harm than her male counterparts. They come down even harder. And mothers quickly learn that wearing a skirt under the robe is no guarantee of justice.

Because male or female, anyone who works for the system works to uphold it. And this system we live in is still patriarchal, obviously, because of the mothers of female judges… among others. Make no mistake.

Of course, personal responsibility exists—or at least it should. And yes, collective change would be great. But neither of those things is going to happen if we keep sending patriarchy’s invoice to the same damn mailbox every time.

Stop blaming the mother. And start, for once, looking at the rest of the picture.

And remember the saying: “A heavy burden is easier to carry when there are many hands.” Well—this particular corpse is long overdue for a proper burial. Let’s see if we can all help dig the grave.

Isabel Salas